Parkies
I came across a group on Facebook. It's writing students that want to be considered Parkies because a good deal of the writing school's facilities are located within the Park School.
I don't know why anyone would ever want to be considered a member of the Park School. Having spent 3 1/2 years as a Parkie, I've come to detest and revile that wretched building and the people who dwell within it.
Anyway, here's a few pointers for anyone who wants to be a Park student.
Be pretentious. Whatever your opinion is, treat it as completely and utterly correct. In fact, anyone who disagrees with you should be treated like a moron. Don't actually try to convince people you're right, just state your opinion and if people disagree, that's their problem. Use the longest possible words you can so that nobody can understand you. If lost when trying to explain your opinions, make something up as lofty and high-minded sounding as you're capable of.
Stop shaving. I'm very guilty of this one. This one also applies to both girls and boys. It doesn't even matter if your beard comes in right. In fact, the worse looking your facial hair is, the better.
Smoke. Smoke as many cigarettes as you can so you can hang out in front of the Park School so everyone can see you're a Parkie.
Get a scarf. This applies to men, as well. It doesn't matter what color it is. Pink scarves are best for men. You want to show the world that you don't care.
Dress in as many different pieces of clothing as possible. No matter what the temperature is, dress in layers. If possible, not full layers so everyone can see how many different shirts you're wearing. Wearing less than 8 items of visible clothing is a massive failure in this department.
Start thinking you're better than all the other students at IC. Hey, you got into the Park School, those Business kids didn't. And music students, that doesn't count. H&S? HA!
Start thinking your major is better than all the other majors. This is especially true of film students. Those other majors are either bullshit, or they're too simple for you.
Start thinking you're the best student within your major. Begin to alienate yourself from the other students and live a lonely sheltered life, plotting and scheming.
Get a button maker. Not only can you make your own politically charged buttons, you'll earn a steady income selling buttons to other Parkies (ignoring your "Fair Trade Not Free Trade" button while doing so.
Find a movie that has no plot, no story, no characters, and is just a random collection of images slapped together by some director coming down from cocaine. This is now your favorite movie.
If it's European, it's better.
Complain about how much time you spend in the Park School doing work, even though you'd be hanging around there anyway.
Get rid of your backpack and get some other form of bag. The best for Parkies is that over the shoulder small little briefcase on a strap thing. Even though you have no books to carry, walk around with this bag strapped across your body.
Get as many patches of defunct 80's bands as you can to place on this new bag next to your buttons.
Buy as many clothes that are new but look worn out as possible.
Shitty jackets are best. Try to look as much like John Lennon as possible. But still look down on him because he wasn't a Parkie.
Take naps in the foyer watching CNN even though you could just as easily go home and sleep.
Stop acknowledging the concept of time. It doesn't matter if you're late for something, or if your shoot takes 12 hours and not the planned 3. Time should be standing still for you. You're a Park student.
Don't raise your hand in class when you have something to say. Just yell it out. After all, your opinion is so correct that hearing other people's who raise their hand would be a waste of everybody's time.
Interrupt people as much as possible.
Given the opportunity, try ignoring the main point of everything and argue about something meaningless and trivial. Make a big of a deal as possible out of nothing.
Start hating sports. Start viewing them as nothing but an immature and barbaric enterprise.
Be as utterly out of shape as possible.
These are just a few guidelines to being a Park student. Remember, this is your last chance to feel superior to others because 99% of you will be unemployed after graduation.
I don't know why anyone would ever want to be considered a member of the Park School. Having spent 3 1/2 years as a Parkie, I've come to detest and revile that wretched building and the people who dwell within it.
Anyway, here's a few pointers for anyone who wants to be a Park student.
Be pretentious. Whatever your opinion is, treat it as completely and utterly correct. In fact, anyone who disagrees with you should be treated like a moron. Don't actually try to convince people you're right, just state your opinion and if people disagree, that's their problem. Use the longest possible words you can so that nobody can understand you. If lost when trying to explain your opinions, make something up as lofty and high-minded sounding as you're capable of.
Stop shaving. I'm very guilty of this one. This one also applies to both girls and boys. It doesn't even matter if your beard comes in right. In fact, the worse looking your facial hair is, the better.
Smoke. Smoke as many cigarettes as you can so you can hang out in front of the Park School so everyone can see you're a Parkie.
Get a scarf. This applies to men, as well. It doesn't matter what color it is. Pink scarves are best for men. You want to show the world that you don't care.
Dress in as many different pieces of clothing as possible. No matter what the temperature is, dress in layers. If possible, not full layers so everyone can see how many different shirts you're wearing. Wearing less than 8 items of visible clothing is a massive failure in this department.
Start thinking you're better than all the other students at IC. Hey, you got into the Park School, those Business kids didn't. And music students, that doesn't count. H&S? HA!
Start thinking your major is better than all the other majors. This is especially true of film students. Those other majors are either bullshit, or they're too simple for you.
Start thinking you're the best student within your major. Begin to alienate yourself from the other students and live a lonely sheltered life, plotting and scheming.
Get a button maker. Not only can you make your own politically charged buttons, you'll earn a steady income selling buttons to other Parkies (ignoring your "Fair Trade Not Free Trade" button while doing so.
Find a movie that has no plot, no story, no characters, and is just a random collection of images slapped together by some director coming down from cocaine. This is now your favorite movie.
If it's European, it's better.
Complain about how much time you spend in the Park School doing work, even though you'd be hanging around there anyway.
Get rid of your backpack and get some other form of bag. The best for Parkies is that over the shoulder small little briefcase on a strap thing. Even though you have no books to carry, walk around with this bag strapped across your body.
Get as many patches of defunct 80's bands as you can to place on this new bag next to your buttons.
Buy as many clothes that are new but look worn out as possible.
Shitty jackets are best. Try to look as much like John Lennon as possible. But still look down on him because he wasn't a Parkie.
Take naps in the foyer watching CNN even though you could just as easily go home and sleep.
Stop acknowledging the concept of time. It doesn't matter if you're late for something, or if your shoot takes 12 hours and not the planned 3. Time should be standing still for you. You're a Park student.
Don't raise your hand in class when you have something to say. Just yell it out. After all, your opinion is so correct that hearing other people's who raise their hand would be a waste of everybody's time.
Interrupt people as much as possible.
Given the opportunity, try ignoring the main point of everything and argue about something meaningless and trivial. Make a big of a deal as possible out of nothing.
Start hating sports. Start viewing them as nothing but an immature and barbaric enterprise.
Be as utterly out of shape as possible.
These are just a few guidelines to being a Park student. Remember, this is your last chance to feel superior to others because 99% of you will be unemployed after graduation.
posted by rob | 1:38 AM
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