Oscars

Last night was the Oscars, and I really could care less about them.

All my fellow film students were abuzz in recent weeks regarding who would win what, who should win what, who should have gotten nominated. Phrases like the following were overheard:

"I hope Marty gets an Oscar."

"Babel didn't deserve to be nominated"

"I hope Little Miss Sunshine wins"

It struck me as somewhat odd that a bunch of college students would be emotionally involved in the Oscars. I bluntly asked one of my classes "Why do you care if a movie wins or loses?" I didn't really get any good answer. Essentially, if people liked a movie, they wanted to see it recognized by the Academy. My professor had a decent answer.

"Well, why do you care if the Patriots do well or not?"

Good comeback, but I replied "If the Patriots win, it's because they directly beat their competition by scoring more points than them. It isn't as if some committee decides that the Patriots are winners."

I think I make a good point. The Oscars are awarded by opinions, specifically the opinions of people you and I have never met. Moreover, any person who watches the Oscars knows that the best movie/actor/actress/writer/director/sound technician doesn't always win. They're "political" in nature, often given for "political" reasons.

The Oscars, to me, are an opportunity for egocentric actors, actresses, writers, directors, and producers to pat themselves on the back, reward themselves for doing their job, and spend the night getting hammered. From a production standpoint, winning an Oscar means money, especially if the film had a quiet release, and very few people really heard much about it.

I do have to admit that The Departed winning Best Picture was nice. It is the first movie primarily set in Boston to win Best Picture since the Oscars first started. I think, not sure.

Good Will Hunting got screwed by Titanic in 1997. But combine Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio, and you get an Oscar.

Ilha Das Flores

Ilha Das Flores (Island of Flowers) is a Brazilian short film made in 1989. Oddly enough, it's been shown to me in both fiction film theory, and non-fiction film theory. I've got to say it's one of my favorite movies. It's so poignant, and convincing, and well made. It has a very powerful message that is conveyed perfectly, with subtlety and extreme cleverness.

I've seen the English version with English narration. The original version was, of course, narrated in Portuguese. I found a Portuguese narrated version online, with English subtitles. The images tend to change quickly so multiple viewings may be in order, because the narration and imagery go tightly together. But it's only about 12 minutes, so watching it twice is not a hassle. And it's fucking worth it.

Click here, then click on the link for English. Then click on the sidebar link for Documentaries. Then click on the picture next to Island of Flowers.

Dead Battery

Yesterday afternoon, I was about to depart for class. I got into my car, turned the ignition, all my lights went on, then went off, and the engine didn't start. I turned it again, nothing. Again, nothing. I noticed that the interior lights of my car weren't on. Conclusion: dead battery.

There were no clear warning signs, no warning light, but the engine had been stuttering in its starts the past few weeks, I figured because of the cold weather. I was wrong.

So this morning, I called AAA to come and put in a new battery. Problem #1: My AAA had expired. So that got renewed, and I called again. Problem #2: I was speaking to the Southern New England AAA, they don't cover Ithaca. So they connected me to Western/Central NY AAA. They said someone would be there within 45 minutes. Spot of good fortune, someone was there in 10.

I was all ready for them. Had the hood popped and ready to go. The tow truck gets there: my old nemesis Charlie's Towing (that's another story). For some reason, the driver had what was probably his daughter with him. Odd. He gets out and says "So, you need a jump?"

Problem #3. "No, I need a new battery."

"We don't do batteries."

"But they said you would."

"Yeah, that's AAA, we're not actually AAA."

"Oh."

So he jumped my car. I had no other option. I couldn't risk stopping the engine. I drove down to Midas to get a new battery, and an oil change while I was there. But time was tight, I had class at 1.

I pulled up to Midas, and left the car running. I told the guy at the counter this and he complimented me for my smart thinking. Had I turned it off, they might have had to jump it again, just to move it into their garage.

I sat in the waiting room and watched the Anna Nicole Smith trial. Fucking hilarious, but at the same time, totally repugnant. The lawyering was just flat out horrible, with interruptions and grandstanding. The feed was also live, so I got to hear the word "shit" on CNN Headline News. The problem was, there was like 4 different groups of attorneys, and all spoke at once, and all interrupted. There was one particularly annoying one who kept reminding the judge that both he and she were from New York. Yeah, ridiculous, right? The judge was also grandstanding, asking witnesses questions that should have been left to attorneys, and reminding the really annoying lawyer that he had lived in Florida for 30 years.

Finally, I got my car back. It cost me $150, and about as many killed brain cells from watching the Anna Nicole trial, but the good thing about a new battery is, I won't have to worry about replacing it for about 3 years.

Parking

Last week, the Student Parking Gestapo finally ticketed my vehicle. Even though I was in the remote Lot C, down by Boothroyd, and I have three previous passes on my window, they got me. What can I say, it was a good ride. I paid the $20 ticket, plus a $5 late fee. I had lost the ticket, then went to Public Safety to tell them I lost it, they then told me it was the 10th day since I got the ticket. Silly me, I thought it meant 10 business days, or 10 days that Public Safety was open for parking stuff. I guess if it had been 9 days when I paid (a day I couldn't pay), I'd not have to pay the late fee.

I decided to get a permit, but only if it was pro-rated so I could pay for just the half semester. No dice. They want their full $51.75 or whatever it is, in order to allow me to park for 10 weeks or so. I could get a temporary permit for a week, but that costs $20.

So, I'm going to walk to campus on Tuesdays and Thursdays (or mooch rides off of people if the weather sucks), and drive on Wednesdays. I only have one class on Wednesdays, as opposed to the 6 hour marathons on the other 2 days, so I can slip in and out from under the noses of the Parking SS. If they ticket me, the jig is up, I pay my $20 fine, but still end the year up $5 as opposed to getting a permit.

Anna Nicole Smith

I don't think anyone will ever forget where they were when Anna Nicole Smith died. Me, I was in the Park foyer when I heard of ANS's demise. I was waiting for my 4 o'clock class to start, just standing in the foyer. There's a high def TV that usually has CNN on it in the foyer, but it was to the side of me when the story broke.

"Holy shit!" some Parkie exclaimed. As more and more students turned their attention to the TV, I could see from their shock that something major had just happened on CNN. I thought the worst, war in Iran, North Korea launching missiles, New York attacked, or possibly a second wave of Mooninite invaders in Boston. I took a step forward and turned to look at the TV. I saw the headline "Anna Nicole Smith has died."

I wasn't very much shocked. It was a surprise, but not a truly shocking one. I couldn't fathom saying something like "Oh, but she seemed so stable and healthy."

Frankly, I didn't see the newsworthiness of the story. I know CNN and the 24/7 news channels struggle to fill a day and maintain an audience, but honestly, there are thousands more important events occurring than the death of ANS. We're at war in two countries, are on the brink of war with two more, there's global warming, massive northeastern snowstorms (Parish, NY got 110 inches of snow the past 7 days), a Presidential election race starting, NPR and PBS having funding reduced, and all sorts of newsworthy stuff. Nevertheless, the death of a reality TV "star" and former softcore porn actress was the big story.

I'm not saying ANS was a bad person. As my 4 PM class began, people were joking about her death, essentially saying that her death was a good thing. You know, I never met her, she seemed to be a really sad person, and death is always unfortunate, particularly when someone is 39.

But I don't care that much about her death. My daily life doesn't change much. It doesn't change in any way whatsoever. She had no impact on my life whatsoever. But still, RIP ANS.

Hands Diner

I'm just gonna say that I love Manos Diner. Here is why:

It is Spanish for Hands Diner. Think of how fucked up of a name that would be if you saw a place called Hands Diner.

It reminds me of a classic episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000, one of the best and most underrated shows in TV history. That's the show in which a few guys watch a really crappy B movie and make fun of it. The movie they made fun of is called Manos: The Hands of Fate. The movie is, bar none, the WORST movie I've ever seen in my entire life. Just imagine Michael Bay high on shrooms and using a time machine to go back in time to gather everything bad and unsavory you could think of, then spending an entire weekend shooting what he collected while his buddies danced around on acid trips.



The food is pretty good at any time of the day. More importantly, it is consistent. Consistency is key for a diner.

It's open 24 hours. This might not sound like a big deal, but my hometown only has Dunkin Donuts and a CVS open 24 hours. There is no restaurant that is even open really late.

It's a place to collect one's self.

They allow students to shoot movies there.

It's a good mix of locals and college kids. In essence, it is a microcosm of Ithaca.

There's that waitress with the fucked up laugh.

They play the John Tesh radio show.

They have a variety of tables of different sizes, ranging from small two person booths, to that large Last Supper booth that comfortably seats 6.

Ample parking day or night. Unlike State Street.

Quality home fries.

It's a good place to cap a night of shooting a movie that your friends said would take 3 hours but really took 10.

They have fliers for local music acts.

There's a bar attached to it.

You can play Keno.

It's in what I like to call the 24 Hour District, next to the 24 hour Hess, and the 24 hour McDonald's.

Upstate NY Drivers

I've been living in Ithaca for the better part of 3 and a half years now. Coupled with annual trips to Buffalo to see family, I consider Upstate New York to be a second home of mine.

Let me first define Upstate New York (UNY). As a New Englander, the size of the entire state of New York is unfamiliar. In my mind it is divided into two distinct regions, which are further divided into smaller and smaller regions.

Downstate New York (DNY), for me, is everything south of Westchester County. Both topographically, and geographically, this is the lower part of the state. This may seem like an uneven division. After all, only The City and Long Island are below Westchester County. But consider that Westchester has a population of about 1,000,000, neighboring Rockland County has a population of about a quarter million, New York City has 8.1 million inhabitants, and 2.7 million people live on Long Island (not counting Kings and Queens counties, which are part of New York City). This means that my DNY contains about 12 million people, while my UNY has 7 million residents. So even though my Downstate NY is much smaller in terms of land, it is much larger in terms of people.

So we've defined Upstate New York. Now, an area as vast as UNY needs to be divided even further. I'd say the regions are as follows: Lower Hudson Valley, Upper Delaware Valley, The Catskills, The Capital Region, The Adirondacks, Upper Hudson Valley, The North Country, Central Leatherstocking Region, Mohawk Valley, Greater Syracuse, The Finger Lakes, Susquehanna Valley, Southern Tier, Greater Rochester, Greater Buffalo, Niagara, Erie, and The Kingdom of Zeitz (that big empty square south of Buffalo and Rochester, east of Lake Erie, west of the Finger Lakes, and north of Pennsylvania.

Now I've driven in, around, and through most of these regions, except for the northern ones. And they all have one thing in common: shitty drivers.

Now what makes these drivers so shitty? Keep in mind, I'm not counting truck drivers because trucks come from everywhere. And also keep in mind that I'm excluding Downstate drivers because I've driven Downstate and you guys drive well.

The Upstate New York driver is a pussy. They have no initiative, no drive, no aggression, no balls. This can be very stressful, and can sometimes be extremely dangerous.

You guys drive way too fucking slow! You have these wide open spaces to drive through, and you drive 5 under the speed limit on a perfect day with 2 other cars within 20 miles of you. And when there are cars around you, you drive even slower! I can't tell you how many times I'll be driving on Route 13 in Tompkins County, trailing some fucking retard going 45 MPH, who in turn is following another retard at 45, and so on and so forth. And when they're on the highway, prepare to hit your fucking brakes. UNY drivers are such pussies that they slow down when they pass someone! On I-81, or 86, or 90, they'll be cruising along at a nice 70 MPH, get in the left lane to pass a car, and get off the gas. This makes the pass take longer. I've seen cars that took a full 2 minutes to pass other cars. Then you get in behind those cars so you can pass them, they get back in the right lane, AND SPEED UP TO 70 AGAIN!

Then there's the people who just sit in the left fucking lane going 60 MPH. Now I'm all for driving in the left lane. I've driven clear across Massachusetts and never left the left lane. But in New York, most highways are only 2 lanes, so the left is the ONLY passing lane. You get up behind these fuckers because if you pass on the right, some backwoods, quota minded cop might pull you over. You flash your high beams once to let the person in front of you know "I want to go faster then you so move out of my way." After a mile or so, you finally decide to just pass on the right. Somehow, some way, at this exact moment, the slow fucker has finally figured out that you want to pass, so he tries to move over to the right lane just as you're moving. So then you duck back into the left, but so does he. The dance continues for another half mile until the guy in front realizes that you'd still like to pass him.

And for people who get snowed on day in and day out, almost to the point at which you're proud of getting snowed on so fucking much, UNY drivers are fucking atrocious winter weather drivers. They all seem to have 4 wheel drive trucks and $50,000+ SUVs and yet the snow makes them drive like the road is covered in a 5 inch sheet of ice with Zamboni cleaning it.

I was driving in the snow the other day, coming back from the casino (made $400, ship it). The roads were in semi-decent shape with some snow, but wide grooves to drive in. So I'm going around 55 MPH in my front wheel drive Impala with shitty, worn tires. All of a sudden, I'm bearing down on a $60,000 SUV going 30 MPH. I slide into the left lane (which is hardly ever plowed) and shimmy my way past him. My car was not straight the entire time. Now, had he been going a bit faster, like 45 MPH let's say, I would have seen him earlier, could have slowed down, and gradually drifted into the passing lane. Instead, I was forced to turn suddenly, and drive absolutely perfectly in order to avoid an accident.

Then there was one time on I-481. Not only was this fucker going slow, HE WAS DRIVING IN TWO FUCKING LANES! Even when I pulled to his left, he still didn't make room for me to pass. Then I got stuck behind a salt truck on the off-ramp and my car was pelted with salty pebbles.

On Rte. 13 one night in between Cortland and Dryden, the road was absolutely magnificent. No snow at all except for a little dusting in the breakdown lane. Yet the car in front of me was going 35 MPH. As were the 10 cars in front of him. This made any sort of pass highly difficult. So I had to follow these pussies for 20 minutes before they thankfully turned off the road.

OK, back to good weather driving. Just a few tips for UNY drivers that will help them out a bit:

1. If you're turning off a road, go as far to the side as you can so cars behind you can go around without stopping suddenly
2. Turn signals are not only helpful, they're legally required before any turn. Although suddenly slamming the brakes usually means you're making a turn, a signal ALWAYS means you're making the turn
3. If you're being tailgated, you're going too slow
4. If you tailgate, it should be because the person in front is going too slow AND they don't have to be. Tailgating a car that is stuck behind a truck is not only pointless, it's a recipe for a pile up.
5. If there's two lanes, and you're in the right lane, and you want to go faster than the car in the right lane ahead of you, go to the left lane and pass them. Don't worry, you'll be okay. I know passing is hard.
6. Green lights mean go. Go right fucking now. There are people behind you who want to go now so they can make it through the light
7. Stop signs mean stop, ALWAYS.
8. If you're going at a reasonable speed (up to 5 MPH over the limit) in good weather, you don't have to slow down when you see a cop. And if you're going at or below the limit and you slow because of a cop, just fucking kill yourself.
9. Don't wear a hoodie while driving with the hood up. Peripheral vision is important
10. If someone pulls into the lane in front of you, and they're going the same speed or faster, you don't have to slam on the brakes.
11. If you don't like passing trucks, either don't pass them at all, or pass them quickly so you won't take forever to pass them
12. When someone flashes their high beams at you, it means something (there's a cop, they want to pass you, they're letting you go, your headlights aren't on)
13. If you see a cop on the other side of the road, flash your lights so people coming that way know he's there
14. If someone gives you a wave to go, just fucking go. Don't think you're obliged to give the wave back. This just eats up time and causes confusion
15. Pedestrians have the right of way at crosswalks
16. Pedestrians have the right of way even when there isn't a cross walk, but make them know you're pissed at them for taking their sweet ass time to cross the road. Do something like rev the engine really loud, or come within a foot of hitting them
17. If you have the balls to pull onto the road in front of me, have the balls to drive fast, too
18. When two lanes merge into one, if someone has any bit of their car ahead of yours, just let them go in front of you. I can't tell you how many times I've nearly driven people off the road because they wouldn't let me in. Guess what, tough guy, I'm not backing down
19. If you're not in total control of your car (example: you hit a spot of black ice and drift just a tad) don't panic by slamming the brakes and turning suddenly. You will die if you do this.
20. Yield does not mean stop
21. There are few rotaries in NY, but when you encounter them, remember that the cars in the rotary have the right of way, but if you can get in without stopping, go for it.
22. Yield means "you don't have the right of way, someone else does"
23. You don't always need to come to a complete and utter stop in order to take a turn
24. If your high beams are on, and a car is either coming from the opposite direction, or is in front of you going the same direction, turn off the fucking high beams!
25. The point of driving somewhere is that driving is a fast and easy way to travel long distances. So drive as if you wanted to get wherever you're going as quickly and easily as possible.

Boston "Attacked" by Men from the Moon

Yesterday afternoon, right about lunch time, a worker on the T noticed a small box with electronic diodes in the shape of a rectangular figure giving the finger. The device was hanging from an overpass near Sullivan Square Station in the Charlestown neighborhood of Boston. The worker called 911 and reported the device. Soon thereafter, at about 1 PM, other calls were made to 911 reporting the existence of similar devices in places such as the Boston University Bridge and the New England Medical Center.

The city responded accordingly whenever strange electronic devices are found, by sending out the bomb squad. As more and more of these boxes were found across the city, more police were notified and the city was put on alert. The Coast Guard even shut down a large part of the Charles River basin.

As the devices were disassembled, dismantled, and some even destroyed, it became clear that the characters on the boxes were Mooninites from Cartoon Network's Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

On blogs across the country, people began to realize that this was part of an advertising campaign. The boxes had been in these locations for three weeks now, lighting up at night in public places to promote the show and cause a buzz about it. This type of advertising is known as both guerrilla advertising, and viral advertising. Guerrilla advertising is essentially doing something that flies under the radar of traditional advertising (i.e. commercials, billboards) but still manages to get a good deal of attention. Viral advertising is an attempt to spread good word of mouth about a product or event.

At about 5 PM, Time Warner, which owns Cartoon Network, announced that the devices belonged to them. They informed law enforcement officials in Boston, as well as in 9 other major cities, of the locations of these devices. They then issued an apology and tried to explain the purpose behind the devices.

I didn't know about any of this until about 4 PM, when Cav called me to tell me to watch what was going on. I turned between CNN and FoxNews, and when I saw the picture of the Mooninite Ignignokt flipping off passersby on a little electronic device, I assumed it was some sort of prank done by MIT kids or something. The high tech nature of the devices, and their strategic placement throughout the city was indicative of a well though out plan done by intelligent people. MIT is known both for its pranks, and intelligent people.

During a commercial on CNN, I flipped to FoxNews. Shepherd Smith was talking over a live feed from WFXT Fox 25 in Boston. When pictures of the Mooninite devices were shown, host Shep Smith (who has the best news voice in the world if you ask me) tried describing the cartoon show to his viewers.

"It's a stoner show"

I almost fell down laughing. See, Aqua Teen is a very bizarre show. It stars a milk shake, a box of french fries, and a meatball. It often features it's characters dying in an episode, has no continuity, and when things are dropped on the ground, they inexplicably explode. It's not a typical cartoon. But this is the appeal of the show. I've been watching Aqua Teen for about 4 years, and I'd hardly call myself a stoner. Although, I do know people who watch and smoke pot. Then again, some people probably smoke pot and then watch Shep Smith on FNC.

Anyway, Smith went on to point out that Boston is home to over 250,000 college students. He theorized that some "stoner college kids" did this as a prank, trying to hoax a terror attack.

First of all, this was just bad journalism. You shouldn't be hypothesizing about a news story as it develops. You can be more subtle about it and maybe say "police suspect this is a hoax perpetrated by college students" by to come up with a theoretical explanation for a story based on nothing but an exceedingly limited knowledge of a television show, and the abundance of college kids in Boston is just crappy journalism.

Second of all, it wasn't stoner college kids, it was a massively large global multimedia corporation that wound up doing this. Ironically, "stoner college kids" on their blogs knew this was an advertising campaign hours before the bumbling behemoths of traditional media like CNN or FoxNews could figure it out. Ironically, CNN is owned by the company that did this, but still didn't know it! This just shows the overwhelming size of a media company like Time Warner, where apparently the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing.

So once it was apparent that this was a multi-city guerrilla ad campaign, I thought the issue would die. But in Boston, there has to be a scapegoat. There just has to be. This is the city in which The Scarlet Leeter is set, and where Puritans reigned for nearly a century. This is a city known for blaming the Curse of the Bambino for its teams problems, and not a lack of pitching. The City of Boston has a nasty habit of selecting one person to blame or worship for good things and bad, respectively.

The scapegoat is Time Warner.

Last night, two of the artists who helped put up the devices were arrested for charges such as
"placing hoax devices." This is a felonious charge with a prison sentence of 20 years PER DEVICE. There were over 10 devices found.

But here's the thing, these are not hoax devices. These were never meant to look like bombs, they were simply mistaken for bombs. Now, I can understand if you're walking down the street and you see a little black box nestled under a bridge, and you call 911. Then I can understand if you're the BPD, you get a 911 call about a suspicious device, and you mobilize everyone and tirelessly seek and dismantle these devices. And I can understand being a pissed off citizen because the bridges between Boston and Cambridge were closed, and I-93 was shut down.

But I don't see much of a crime being perpetrated here. Could you imagine such an uproar from Menino and Deval Patrick over something like graffiti? If these advertisements were placed illegally, without a permit or permission, then the people responsible should pay a fine as if they had illegally put up a small billboard, or placed stickers on public property. Hell, I see this shit all the time in Boston AND Ithaca. You see these little stickers advertising something on a light-post or something.

I don't see how you can call these things "hoax devices" but every politician moaning about it in Boston, and every editorialist in the Boston papers is calling these things precisely that. If this is the case, it's a pretty shitty hoax. Nobody called 911 about it for over 2 weeks, and in the 9 other cities, nobody called 911, period. Then a few hours into the situation, Time Warner told the police exactly where to find the other devices.

I'm not going to say that the BPD overreacted. On the contrary, I think their reaction was perfect to what was an unknown situation. It is very easy, in retrospect, to laugh about the idea of cops in full bomb squad gear dismantling advertisements, but hindsight is always 20/20.

I do, however, think that the responses by Mayor Menino and Governor Patrick are a bit harsh. I think they don't understand what the problem was, and are simply attacking it. The general claim is that the advertisements should have shown more "sensitivity" to this post 9/11 world. however, people in New York (you know, where 9/11 was most damaging) didn't seem to be very bothered by these advertisements. Nor did folks in Seattle, Austin, Philly, Portland, etc. I think Boston needs to analyze itself and try to figure out why it reacted so strongly to this. I also think the other cities need to ask themselves why they didn't react so strongly.

Now, it was a very expensive day. Some estimates say that the incident cost law enforcement agencies a combined $500,000. This is a believable sum, and it's pretty large. But I don't think Time Warner should be held responsible for this money, at least not all of it. Because, in the end, they didn't CAUSE this panic. Even though the simple-minded pundits of the Globe and WCVB are simplifying things this way, the situation is much more complex. You had a new form of advertising that sparked one panic, which inevitably sparked another. People didn't know what it was, so they dealt with it as if it was the worst thing it could be: a bomb.

In the end, the City of Boston is going to have to take this $500,000 hit, and try to learn from the experience. The good news is that first responders did a very good job of responding first.