Future Funeral

So I called my mother yesterday and she told me my grandfather is pretty sick. He's in his late 80''s and this is probably the end.

Today a black crow was perched on a lampost outside of Park. He was completely quiet until I walked by. He started squaking very loudly, then when I was past him, he stopped squaking. Crows are notorious signs in my family. When a crow flew into my mother's house years ago, her father died the next day. When a crow flew into my mother's classroom 11 years ago, my father died a few weeks later. This April, a crow flew over my head outside of Friends and 20 minutes later my mother called me to tell me my grandmother died. Crows=death for a member of my family.

My grandfather led a long, full life so I am not all that sad. It sucks, but it's part of life. I've been through many other family deaths before so I think I'll be able to handle it.

It's going to be weird though. Once again, just like in April, I'll drive out to western New York, stay with my brother and mother, go to a funeral, probably be a pall bearer, and we'll go through the same routine at the same funeral home, the same church and the same cemetary. I'll probably be wearing the same clothes as last time. I only own one nice shirt and I bought it for Grandma's funeral.

I just think it's weird to do the same thing again. Death is inevitable, but it is amazing to me that my grandfather's death will be a redux of my grandmother's death.

I feel bad for my Aunt. She had to go through her brother's death 11 years ago and will now be going through the death of both her parents within a one year time frame.

Moments like these make me realize how isolated I am in Ithaca. The closest member of my family is about an hour away, and the closest immediate family members are back in Norwood, 6 hours away. I sometimes feel very alone out here, which is both good and bad.